Serious is not something I do very well but I do have a serious side. Today though I've missed my husband. "Missed" is not the right word because that sounds like I've misplaced him, but I know precisely where he is. I can't think of another way to describe it but once someone leaves this life there is a void that remains because that space could only be filled by that individual...does that make sense.
So I will tell you why I'm "missing" Pat Butler. 1. He was the only one I could talk and talk and talk to and get no reaction, advice, criticism or feedback; he simply was acting like he was listening but he wasn't. This may seem weird to you but it worked for us; I needed to vent to understand how I was going to handle something and he could look interested but actually be going over the sports schedule, work schedule, movie schedule in his brain. 2. The kids need more cheerleaders than me. Nobody can uplift the kids better than their parents. Don't get me wrong here, we have an awesome community (read really small township) family who are really supportive but it just isn't quite the same. I wish Pat was there when we sent W off to the MTC and there when he honorably returned; I wish he could have been there when R walked off with 17 awards at her Senior night recognition and when she gave a class address at her commencement from nursing school; I wish he was here to see S on the Homecoming Court and playing football like a madman (just like he did) and I wish he could have gotten to know J the son he'd never met because he died. There are just some things no one else can do. I've tried to fill in the blank as best as I could but it still isn't the same.
I wish he was here so I could be more of a mother to the family instead of the chronically fatigued, vile spewing monster who rises at 4 a.m. to growl her way through another day. But he's not here though truly I can feel him around at times. It's weird but I know he goes on vacation with us and has a great time (he always had a great time on vacation.), he watches S from the sideline (I swear I see him pacing the out of bounds line each home game, he could never find an away game to save his life), and I know he is extremely excited for the lives W and R are living.
Oh well, we live the life we've got and our life is incredible just the way it is. Very different with very different challenges but undeniably magnificent. (I could have thrown a lot of sarcastic humor in this post but I was being serious for Sunday. Maybe I will re-write it for Maniac on Monday ;0)