Tuesday, August 31, 2010

So, another shot at bloggery...

I haven't blogged in quite some time. I started to get burned out talking about myself and my family. I felt like I really didn't have anything to pass along. I felt presumptuous. What does it matter what is going on in my brain?! Lately though, I began to think of blogging as cathartic. So, I'll give it another whirl.

This past weekend I had the wonderful pleasure to see a dear "niece" get married to her love. I adore her parents and her aunts and uncles and her grandma. In fact, they have been a part of my life for 40+ years. I hadn't seen them in about 8 years. I didn't realize until we had gathered how much I longed to see them. I get teary-eyed thinking about it. I can't put into words how I felt when I saw each one again. I was elated and embarassed and angry with myself all at one time. But what a grand reunion. Each one so marvelous in his/her own right with really interesting talents and personalities.

I also got to see once again the dear woman I love like a mother. I learned so much from her and her family as I grew up. From her I learned compassion and sympathy and generosity. I learned what it is to love someone and how to have a sense of humour doing it. I learned that people can be trusted. She was a spunky, vivacious, cheerful woman and now she is growing old. She's been quieted by her feeble body, changed by stroke and illness. She speaks with her eyes and her hands and I just love her. I was so sad to see her in that state but as I spent time with her she came through loud and clear. Her life is different but her family loves her and she is just as fiesty as ever. I just love her.

The wedding was beautiful. The ceremony simple but heartfelt; the reception loud with laughter and music. As I watched the bride and her new husband just starting out on the journey I was struck with a thought. Her parents and I had lived our lives, not over hopefully for awhile, but the greatest portion was behind us now. The love had been passed to the next generation. I felt a bit of sorrow about this since I still feel about 17. Of course a quick glance in the mirror dispels that notion and it takes a bit of time in the morning to get all the joints working in unison. I felt contentment too. I've done the best I've known how to do. I absolutely cherish my children and the lives they are building. I think longingly about my husband, now gone 10 years, our time was too short.

I been sad too. I've let the anxiety of uncertainty dictate quite a bit of my life. Somehow, I've let anxiousness decide more than it should. Can a life lived so conservatively be fulfilling? I don't know. I've done the best I think I could have in the circumstances I've lived.

So what about the next day, week, years (I hope). I think it's time for my last hurrah and I'm more than a little nervous about it. I want to go out with a bang, not a whimper.

1 comment:

  1. Honey, you ain't even close to your last hurrah!! Trust me on that. There is a time for every season (is that right?) and you still have children at home. When they are all growed and gone you can throw caution to the winds.

    Glad to see you back!